You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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