yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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