it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
