Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
