Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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