He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
