she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
