this beer tastes like vomit already
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
