4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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