Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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