OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
