There r osticjed everywhere
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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