Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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