i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
