dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
