You made me cry and you don't even care
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
