I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
