Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
