Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
