I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to align my fucking chakras
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
