Soap is not a condiment
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Randomize