I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
