i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
