If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
