remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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