my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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