this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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