are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I could fuck to npr.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
