I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
