the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
