Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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