no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
