I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
