last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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