i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
