Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
