i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
