My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
