i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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