I wish I could teleport
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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