just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
