honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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