I got chris browned last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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