i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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