my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
