I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
