just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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