I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
