oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this will be a night to untag.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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