If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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