I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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