"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
