Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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