Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
