Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
