Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
