The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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