Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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