You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
