do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
