I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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