I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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