my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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