he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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