this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
