I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize